Friday, July 17, 2009

Thoughts

thoughts

I'm sitting in a hotel room tonight wondering where life will take me. I got the room to get away from everyday distractions to sit and think and plan..but all I have done is remember .I remember...

dancing as a child..using the leaves and branches and flowers of a tree as giant fans and dancing with eyes closed to music only my soul could hear.usic that caused everything else in my eight year old world to fade away..I could feel my feet moving in made up steps and nothing else mattered but "being in that moment" I was so happy.

The the last time I remember being me.

The rest of my life has been filled with roles and masks I wear to be who people need...some good..like mother..some masks you put them on and they melt into who you are and bring some happiness and you are that person ,just not *only* that person.

Some masks or roles are created from taking on the judgements of others...the classmates that taunt and call names, the critical parent that labels you worthless.These too become part of who you are after so long..even if nobody else sees it but you ,you still at some point start labeling yourself with these negative things.

As life goes on, you are so busy changing masks and roles depending on who you are interacting with that they become layer upon layer until that original person,that original "happiness" is forgotten on the surface level

But the heart remembers

Now I am at a time in my life that with each changing role...no longer a needed daughter...no longer kids at home(my younger daughter is moving out) ...I am now finding out that my soul is returning to that little girls need to dance to her own music.

So I am starting a journey to rediscover my music again..who I am and why I am here and what I want....what is my happiness?

well it is late..just some thoughts..probably sound like a crazy lady. Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

Think back....what was your happiness?